Never's too strong.

Then ...

So is it worth this time?

Am I done in your mind?

Will I regret once you're gone?

Why did I ever think that we would be good?

I really thought it would be different this time.

Ang lakas ng loob ko hindi kita bitawan kasi pinapaniwala mo talaga ako na worth it tayo. Sobrang naniwala ako don, babes. Nung ayaw kitang bitawan? Hindi kita hinahabol non. Ang lakas ng loob kong hindi ka bitawan kasi alam kong worth it tayo at hinihintay ko lang na maalala mo na ikaw yung nagsabi non. I was fighting like hell for the both of us. Sinabihan na ako na bumitaw na. Inisip ko rin yun, kasi nakakapagod lumaban para sa dalawa. Dati madali lang eh, kasi pareho nating kinaya. Pero wala eh, mahina ka pala. Sayang lang talaga, babes. Sobrang sayang.

Sana mapasaya ka niya ng lubusan. Sana lang talaga.


-


Now ...

I'm missing you to death but it's all for the best, I know.

Hey, hey, we're not far from home.

I've got my pride and I'll let you sleep tonight.

I miss you. I know I shouldn't but since when do I act rationally when it comes to you?

I hate the fact that I'm not talking to you ... that I can't be normal around you anymore. I know it sound so melodramatic (so unlike me) but I can't help but wonder on how I lived my life before what happened. Kasi nung satin, parang biglang nakumpleto lahat-lahat. Hindi ko nga alam na may kulang eh. Tas nasanay na ako dun sa completeness na yon, tas nung nawala ... damang-dama ko na may kulang.

Don't get me wrong, I get the fact that it's not me anymore. Gets ko na. Tanggap ko na. Okay na ako na hindi ako. Although there are times when waves of memories would suddenly hit me and then I'd dwell on the fact na sayang but mostly, I can actually look back and just smile sadly at what happened.

Hindi ko alam kung galit ka or naiinis or naiilang sakin. So ang magagawa ko na lang, 'di na lang kita iisipin. Which is hard work, really. You're like my air, constantly around me but invisible. Yeah, corny. 8-

I tried and still am trying to gain some sort of normalcy around you but I just can't. I do not know how we can act like nothing ever happened ('cause a lot did). I don't know how to act as if it's all okay.

So the big question mark is: Do I still love you? After everything that's happened, it's unfortunate that my answer's still yes ... to a degree. I don't know if you are still the person I fell in love with. Well, obviously you're not. You're now the person that she might love. Whatever.

At syempre, mawawala ba ang linya na: I deserve someone better? Syempre, hindi diba. I do deserve someone better. Someone who'll fight with me until the end. I know, ang corny. Maybe you were once that person ... but then ... you changed.

And yes, I know I'm the one who said that no one should ever regret anything. But as of now, I'm wishing to whatever higher power there is that nothing ever happened 'cause this awkwardness? Is it all worth it, really?

Erase, erase.

It was fun while it lasted, anyway. Thank you. Thank you for making me happy even for just a little while. Parati namang ganun diba? Small doses of love keeps me alive. I hope that I do not sound bitter. I really am thankful for whatever you've done to me. You've made me happy ... happier than how I thought I would be with you. I'll try and be happy without you. Thank you, babes. Goodnight.

Now were left with broken hearts and a handful of memories

And who I am now reflects you somehow 'cause you're so a part of me.

It's not like were over is it?

It's not like we'll never be together.

I hate it, the way that you say never.

Just because she's willing to die.

If you were to choose between killing a healthy person or a malnourished one which would you choose? For blogging purposes, let's say both of them are females.

I think the automatic answer for the majority will be killing the healthy one. I bet their reason/s would prolly go like this:

1. The healthy person already experienced life as a normal person, and the malnourished one hasn't, so it's a shame if the malnourished one dies.
2. If you kill the healthy person, it will not cause an uproar as much as killing the malnourished one.

What if the healthy person is actually willing to die to save the other? Is that reason enough to kill her?

I think not.

As for the healthy person, is it a sensible decision to give up on life just like that when you could still have so much more?

It's not reasonable to kill someone just because you know that that someone is willing to die for you. Kahit na alam mo na kaya niya tiisin yung sakit, 'di pa rin siya rason.



Tangina lang.
Tralalala. Vent! :D

Myriad of Emotions.

Frustration: As far as I am concerned, I didn't do anything. I didn't do a single thing but still I get involved in this (kurreyzzi) world. I promised myself that I would leave everything behind and start fresh, but still there are people who make things difficult for me.

Awkwardness: I'm not mad at anyone. I just feel ... frustrated because everything's kind of awkward. At least on my side. I don't know about yours.

Confusion: I am not sure with everything. I just hear things from the grapevine. Uh, yeah. Hence, the confusion.


My side: You have your life and I have mine. Okay ako sa'yo, sana ma-accept mo din ako, 'cause I'm not going anywhere. I know you have your doubts and all and I accept and understand that, really, I do. I just wish you'd take her (and also mine) word for it. Everything is just water under the bridge. It's over and done and in the past and I certainly don't have any future plans of revisiting it. I'm also pretty positive she feels the same way about this, so yeah.



I wish you'd get past this. Anyhoo, I don't have a problem with you naman eh. Ayon. I just thought I should get it out there. :)

Voltes V cannot solve everything.

It's weird. When we were young and running around in diapers we didn't give a damn who we talk to, who we make friends with or with whom we share our food. There was just this 'I don't give a fuck who you are, just as long as you don't steal my toys' attitude when we're young; and as time passes we lose that kind of thinking. We grow cautious to the point that saying the friendliest 'Hi!' is so hard.

We visited our relatives in Las Pinas last month. I'm not really familiar with them, but I do recognize them from the old photo albums of my parents' wedding and my first birthday. When my dad mentioned that I used to play with my second cousins loads of times when I was young, it was kind of hard to imagine. I wanted to be friends with them again but it's not as easy back in the day when all I have to say is ‘Hey, can I borrow your Voltes V robot?’.

I wish I was child again. All these complicated things that goes with adulthood is kind of tiring.